The Ideal Job…

Its been a long block but I am back.. This is something I have been meaning to share with so many of you because I feel we share a lot of common grounds with this one in today’s competitive world.

The biggest hype I have experienced is about getting an ideal job. Now what is it really! I have studied Bachelors in Architecture which has been my passion since I could spell career. And I am satisfied. I work as an analyst with workforce in Barclays and I am satisfied too. I know you are surprised. Most of the people around me are. Coz I’m expected to be an architect building layouts after layouts.

I have received so much criticism in d face of being constructive critics really I kind of have lost the count. There have been days when I did give this a lot of thought. And there are days when it hasn’t even crossed my mind. Through all this turmoil in me I have reached one conclusion. I am not content. I am not satisfied or even close to settled. But again it hits me, “How screwed up can I be ??” And until I find whatever that is I am going to work really hard.

Sometimes careers don’t work with the plan we have set in our minds. And I have seen this a lot.

I have been working for 9 years and its been a mixture of what not : ranging along as Tele callers, receptionist, office assistant, data entry operator, customer service, workforce analyst, graphic designer and architect. And its been an amazing journey so far. All through school and college I have slogged to become an architect. But as I worked with every other designation I realised I was good at it.

As I grew up I have realised one thing. We may not really work for our dream job. All we really have to do is to make the most of what we are. Even the dream job can be an illusion. And it has worked for me. I have always thought my lowest attribute is the fear of failure. And to this I was always told that I should never share my weakness to anyone. But hey ! Are we not suppose to face our fears ? And how can we face our fears if we can’t even say it out aloud ? So I have said it out aloud to myself and faced it everyday. Everyday I fell flat on my face if I failed and got up to thrash it again. And that made me a winner in every aspect of my life. I might not have received the title but I can give myself a pat on the back.

So okay world I am ready !! Coz I know you will find a way to mess things up BUT this time I am ready coz I know how to make the best of anything.

With a Determined Smile I sign off,

Ciao World.



This is one article I have been writing on and off but it never clicked right. My life has been quite an adventure and I always consider myself to be this strong and mature 25 year old who has overcome so much pain in life. But here I am proven wrong by life once again. Pain is more often than not scarring. And as a person who is more inclined towards heart more than mind I end up making a fool out of myself.

Every time I kick myself and learn a lesson but let myself go through it again. I had a phase in life where I had turned into this crazy workaholic and I realise that was the best part of my life. I didn’t have much life but there were no disappointments, no heartbreaks and most importantly it didn’t hurt. And that’s what I aspire for.

Yes. You guessed it right. I am a sucker for love and companionship. And that’s what ends me up in soup. I desire the happily ever after which is an illusion. But over the years I have changed in terms of how I deal with pain. I used to cry for everything so much that I don’t even have tears anymore. I can laugh with pain nowadays. And that makes me a strong woman. And hence I am allowed to be treated like shit Coz I can take it.

Most of the times it’s not the pain, it’s who it came from. We forget actions but not the person who did it, we forget the words but not who said it. And it kills me inside to realise they allowed me to break again. And I gave them the power to do that.

It’s been a series of goodbyes. And it stings my soul. All the way down to the core. I always believed and still believe you don’t destroy the people you love. But the world has changed. No one notices the storms in the eyes anymore, the silence in the voices or the heaviness of the heart anymore.

I have learned more from pain than I could ever have learned pleasure.

I am strong. I know that. But I am just tired. It just hurts a lot. It’s easy to give in to the pain, let it convey its lesson Coz only then it will leave. It’s hard to sleep when your heart is at war with your mind. There’s that occasional night when I just break down and sob my heart out knowing things will never be the same again .

I am tired of not giving up . I am tired of fighting. I just want people to not give up on me. But that’s such a huge challenge.

And 24 hrs later. Nothing feels right. And that’s pain for me… What about you ?

Tk cr.

Cias people

How’s the weather inside you??

Hello people. I have been so occupied with life happening and it’s been so difficult to write lately. But today I have dedicated this day to myself and here I am with another experience. A lesson learnt.

A new job, a new place, a new house, new people and some constants in life. Yeah it’s been a roller coaster. I have been a mess with emotions and my self control has been down the drain which led me to thinking of what is going on within me.

Coz Dear Heart,

Some say it right, but show it wrong..

Some chapters in life get you thinking of how you really are perceived among others. It is said being born as human is the greatest gift we have in life. What matters is what we do with it. And inspite of all the ambitions and goals we set for oneself we forget the most basic aim : to co-exist. I am just a young woman with probably no experience but I laugh at people who cannot exist among others because the ego is too big. And then we talk about love, family and goals.

I have failed to understand how this society works and have given up on it way back. But I believe we can consciously try to like or not like someone but I don’t think we can choose to love. It just happens and even if the people we love are not exactly like us , we stick to them and work around them.

I have always been a person who is extremely short tempered and then within minutes I am back to being normal. Though I have observed another side of me recently. I ignore what I really feel when I am let down and especially when hurt. And that keeps me all bottled and stressed. I can’t even function with the basic chores in life.

With years I have realised that it’s better to speak up. It might lead to a number of fights but atleast you can sleep with a clearer mind and heart. I don’t think it’s always because of heartbreaks from a lover which may be a common occurrence but nonetheless not the only one.

I always had a notion of achieving a happy family all thanks to growing up with Bollywood romance and happily evert after concepts. But as we all know life happens. And even though not completely I have realised probably a little bit that it’s an illusion. And I am coming to terms with it in my own time. It’s gonna be a long haul but I will be there someday.

With all the growing up we do after being an adult is not something we are ever prepared for. And then it seems life isn’t all about basic necessities. It’s also about being happy from within.

Yep I am scared and scarred. But that’s okay. I am still gonna love my life Coz I made it this far. With this thought I am retiring for the day.

Ciaos people.

Love always. ❤️

Keep Moving Forward Or Accept The Past : What’s Needed ??

Someone reminded me of this beautiful advise that we receive every now and then. I’m sure everyone has come across this advise to keep moving forward in life because looking back is a sign of weakness. As humans we do not look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward opening up new doors and doing new things because we are curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.

I as usual have a contradictory perspective. Not that I want to disagree to the great advise. I feel it takes a lot of strength to look back and own up to your past. It’s very important to come to terms with the past otherwise the future can make you restless. One may be having a beautiful future after a tough past but because one is advised to move forward it can be difficult to handle.

We need to learn “if we make a mistake then say we made a mistake”. Isn’t it said To Err Is Human

Next time you are stressed : Take a step back, Inhale and laugh or cry whatever makes you feel good, Remember who you are and why you are here. It might be your karma or others around you. But keep in mind you are never given anything in this world that you cannot handle. Once you get the that sorted be strong and flexible, love yourself and others. And take a step ahead.Moving ahead is inevitable because time will keep going ahead irrespective of what we want. The truth is we have to forgive ourselves and others and realise that the situation is over. Only then can we let go and strive to move forward.Sometimes people let us go, sometimes we let go. Sometimes things and places are lost to us, sometimes we are lost to them. It’s the potential of what could have been that hurts. If time turned back, unless people involved behaved different, or circumstances were different, all might still be the same. This realisation is critical to moving forward.So take your time and then fly away..Ciao 😊

Being Osci’s Kid : Dedicated

The best relationships is the one you never saw coming…

Hey guys.. This is a long awaited article for the king in my life. We are not connected by blood but we are definitely connected by our hearts and souls. I wonder sometimes why does he love me. What did he see in me to go against all odds?? But that’s just like him. Always doing the unexpected.

A father is the first man a little girl ever knows but somehow God needed my dad and he has been a guiding angel ever since. But I have been lucky to know a couple of them. Not only that, I have learnt a lot from all the father like figures I have had so far in my life. Everyone has touched me in my life and made me a better version of myself. But every time I knew that they are father like and not my daddy and trust me there is a difference.Always.

Now in the last 6 years I have been through all the emotions there is missing my dad. I have avoided looking at even the remotest father daughter relationship be it anywhere : movies, real life etc Coz the wound is still sore. The biggest lie I have ever heard is that time heals. It never has for me however.

But this article is not about that wound or that loss of my biological parent. It’s the happiness of getting adopted as someone’s daughter.Being Osci’s Kid.

We meet everyone for a reason and then they form a chapter in the story of our life. I met this sophisticated and charming man in an organisation I worked with. He was quite senior to me and always had a sense of belonging. He exuded warmth and hence was listened to without being authoritative.

We met and got along always like house on fire. We were a gang of 5 people and I was the youngest and somehow the most loved I feel. And he became a very integral part of my life. Every time I have asked him why am I his kid he has said it was meant to be. And that’s correct. In life we look for love and friendship but never for parents. I was his kid since forever as far as I can remember. As days passed I knew I was safe around him. He said I was his princess and trust me I didn’t believe him because I had come to believe fairy tales don’t exist. But he made me one. He allowed me to live my life according to my own terms always letting me know he was standing right beside me. He let me fall and did not pick me up unless I asked. He allowed me to screw things up and then asked me to clean it.

Life has a cruel way of teaching lessons and I had realised that quite early in life. But with Osci I realised it has a way of paying back too. Both of us are atheists but we are grateful of having each other. It’s not that we agree on everything. We have a lot of fights but nothing’s important than the bond we share.

He is the man who has made me realise what tears of happiness are. And I cherish it very close to my heart. It’s been a challenge for both of us. I am not used to being a daughter and neither he has any practice of being a dad. But we are finding our grounds.

I have not been, let’s just say, a great believer of selfless relationships. It’s only because I feel alienated in this world. My thoughts, my beliefs and ethics are just something I would not trade for anyone in the world. Thus it was very hard to get me within the boundaries of a emotional connect.

But some people are just meant to be. And it’s effortless with them. I am so humbled and grateful for the backbone he has been in my life.

You would not accept my thank you ever but please know this Osci this is my biggest happiness. Even though my aim is to make you very very proud but I have achieved my aim of being happy because of you.

Loads of love

Your Kid

Toxins in Life & I Mean People

A weekend that has allowed me to comprehend. What is it that I fear of the most ? And the only answer that I have now is that I can really just un-love people if they mess with my self esteem. (just fyi I do not mean boyfriend or girlfriend, or the people around us in daily lives) And I am satisfied.I am proud of myself so I decide to write this out. But I was not the same always.

As an individual we can do almost anything. Nothing is impossible. And I am not trying to be overconfident. I believe one should go with whatever works for him/her. Perseverance, karma or determination – you choose.

But with the wicked life playing its part  we overlook the simplest of things. Over the span of years I have survived & observed that situations can be both good or bad. But more than the situation people affect us. People who try to demean you and mock your efforts. Not only do they crush your esteem they leave you hating yourself. And if one can flush these toxins out of life it makes the world so much of a better place to live in.

No one is you and that is your power. Realise it. 

Accept it and use it. I personally follow the act of listening to everything. Only then do I have the power to reason out and act of my own. But then, REASONING.. That’s what makes us special animals.Isn’t it ??It seems we have skipped the basic of our existence.

Say No. Stop making yourself available to people and watch your life change for better. Do not allow people to consume you. You live for yourself.

I cannot stress this enough “Everyone else IS and SHOULD BE secondary”. 

When I say this I do not mean to be selfish. I love the people in my life. But even for love one cannot let the other one drown you with them. Neither you nor they are of any use then. Ask them to leave.  Or rather you leave. It may seem impossible. It might break your heart. It may even rip your soul apart. But dear strong one, please walk away. This is not being selfish. It is an act of self care.

Most of the times, I feel, we are judged by people who are not even close of getting their shit together. Funny it is. But do not accept the critics. Be more concerned of your character than your reputation because at the end of the road the character is the mirror of your conscience, it is who you are and reputation is a mere report card by society.

And now grieve over it. Dont be a facade of strength. Cry and break down alone. Tear a few papers, break a few glasses, scream it out. Eat a whole tub of ice cream. And then forgive yourself for accepting less than you deserved and never do it again. 

I may not sound sane, but hey didnt I say whatever works for you !!

I am my kind of crazy.

Ciao beautiful souls

The Gospel Truth.

Truth ! Honesty ! Big words. What is truth? How much of my world has been truth? I wonder…

When there is conflict in my life I have never made good decisions. I don’t sleep well because my mind is busy weighing pros and cons,playing “What If?”

Oh dear, That question had broken me down quite a few times.

Through the years I have accepted that I am surrounded by a layer of hypocrisy. Mind you, I am no rebel. I am a girl who wanted to soar high only to realise that when you are asked to fly it means your boundaries are set. Over the years I have tried to observe our fancy society and understand what do they really want from a girl.Family, friends or any stranger that I cross. And then it hits me. I am a girl. I cant question. Or Cant I?

I am no feminist. But everytime wrong happens my heart flips and my gut sickens. This ingrained contempt against a species of mankind just because they have breasts and vagina has failed to humour me anymore.I have no intention of changing the society. But I have changed my world. I have created my safe haven.And I wish every human being does the same.

My blog is to express the feeling of a little girl. The tears hidden in the pillow, the screams muffled within, the disappointments gulped down. Coz I am proud of all this.

Signing off. Ciao World.😊

Crazy Me! Sensible Me!

I have always wanted to write. But the sucker truth of life has put my mood on to the biggest swings of life. And today as I make the longest ride to office (which i do everyday btw…) I just formed my blog.Yes, thats how it has begun. Silly it may sound but this is it.

Well now who am I?? Do I really need to define myself??  Am I sounding too stuck up ?? This is what I am thinking right now. I have been this confused and messed up all my life. Though I look quite sorted, thank god for that.

My relationship with life has been a hell of a journey. In short , we have had the best times and then fucked each other up. LOL. Yes. Thats what it is. Sounds simple. Its my beginning.

Ciao World…cropped-img_20161126_183238.jpg